# How to Talk to a Partner About D/s Interests

> You have probably rehearsed this in your head more times than you would admit. Here is how to say it out loud without turning it into a request they have to grant — and what to do with each of the three ways it can go.

Canonical URL: https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/
Markdown: https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/index.md
Publication: Classic BDSM — an India-focused, adult-only, non-explicit educational resource.

## Scope

This page covers: how to talk about d/s with a partner.
Also addresses: telling your partner you are into bdsm; how to bring up dominance and submission with a partner; what to do if my partner is not interested in d/s; talking to a partner about power exchange; explaining kink to a partner.
Not covered here (see the linked pages instead): communication in d/s; negotiating boundaries; first d/s relationship; talking about bdsm in indian relationships; dom vs sub vs switch.

## Key concepts

- D/s
- dominance
- submission
- power exchange
- consent
- disclosure
- boundaries
- kink
- rejection
- privacy

## Sections

- First, work out what you are actually asking for (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#what-you-actually-want)
- Pick a moment that lets them answer honestly (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#when-and-where)
- Describe yourself. Do not cast them in a part (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#lead-with-yourself)
- Explain it in relationship language, not vocabulary (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#explaining-it)
- Ask questions that leave them somewhere to stand (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#questions-that-invite)
- The three ways this goes, and what each one asks of you (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#three-ways-it-goes)
- If they say no (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#if-they-say-no)
- Agree what happens to what you just said (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#privacy-after-the-conversation)
- The short version (https://classic-bdsm.com/relationships/how-to-talk-about-ds-with-a-partner/#key-takeaways)

## Sources referenced

- Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (Cara R. Dunkley, Lori A. Brotto) — Clinical Considerations in Treating BDSM Practitioners: A Review (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29543573/)
- The Journal of Sex Research (Ashley Brown, Edward D. Barker, Qazi Rahman) — A Systematic Scoping Review of the Prevalence, Etiological, Psychological, and Interpersonal Factors Associated with BDSM (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31617765/)

Last reviewed: 2026-08-31